You came into my life when I was still dreaming about the day I would finally meet you. Of course I didn’t know who you really were or what you would bring to my life, yet when you held your hand out for me I took the risk and held on because I was a kid wanting to finally experience something new, something that was never possible in the life I was living so far. You gave me a second wind, you lifted me up so high and all my worries and issues just vanished from my sight and mind. Then the day came that you let go of my hand, and I fell down back to the ground. Until then, I hadn’t known that I could be so broken that I’d be left unable to feel a thing. I didn’t cry nor get angry, I was just lost, numb, but I also forgot about you for a long time. Eventually, I cried and let myself feel hurt, but I didn’t know why I was crying or feeling pain. In my memories, you were just a figment of my imagination, yet I couldn’t remember what you looked like.
Just when I thought I was fixing myself you came back into my life. You disguised yourself as my friend at first and eventually, after a bit of arm-twisting, you told me how you felt about me again. However this time you were different, with a different face and a different attitude towards everything the world had to give, and even though we didn’t talk about what we were to each other or how we would approach things that your friend time would throw at us, I still fell for you. I tried to be cautious this time, but not as much as you were. I didn’t know what I had done, but with every step forward I took you took two steps back. Eventually, I told you that I wanted to let go and wanted you to stop me, but you didn’t. You let me go, but you still had my heart in your hands, and I guess that’s why I ended up back with you months later. You fooled me into thinking that you had changed, yet you still kept your distance. I felt like I was just a toy you told everyone you had just so you didn’t feel left out. I ended up throwing my own heart in the bin and became just that, a doll that was there just for the sake of it. Then the time came when it was you who was finally taking the steps forward, and as much as I wanted that to happen you were just too late.
While I was letting you go for the final time, or so I thought, you decided to find the pieces of my heart and give them back even when I didn’t want them. You took another’s face with a fresh look at the world around you. Once again I found myself up in the air, back where you took me the first time you entered my life, with all my worries gone each time I look into your eyes. This time I was more careful than I had been ever before. I put you through all my tests, put up my walls just to make sure you wouldn’t get through them, and just waited for you to let go and drop me again, yet this time it was different and you knew it. No matter how many times I have shut you out, pushed you away, or hurt your feelings you’ve still stuck around. Hoping that you would let go, I told you that I loved you even when I wasn’t sure what love was anymore, but you stayed and you showed me. Even though we fight, it no longer makes me unsure of you or where I stand with you because this time I know that no matter how bad things get you’ll still be there holding my hand.
So this is a letter to say thank you to you because even though at times I didn’t want you in my life, you have shaped me into the woman I am now. Without you I wouldn’t have learned to be carefree and careful both at the same time, to reach for the stars while still keeping one foot on the ground. I would have never learned the difference between love, like and lust when they all had the same face and the best of all I wouldn’t have been around the loveliest group of friends that I am around today.
– xoxo Fashionista